Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
