I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
