He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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