Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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