We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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