He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
