thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
