Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
