Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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