My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
