onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We are all done wearing pants today
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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