If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
FUCK WHALES
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
