I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
the raccoons are back...
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