Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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