Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
