Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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