I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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