I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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