she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
