Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
