i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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