so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
