Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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