I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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