if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
