wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
