He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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