he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
