Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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