Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
