yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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