For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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