You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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