Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
