Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
