Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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