Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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