there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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