It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
