So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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