sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
