Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
3 2 1 whiskey
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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