i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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