just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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