So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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