I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
