How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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