Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
