So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize