it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
