Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it's like heaven, but drunker
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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