so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize