I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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