i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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