So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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