don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
