I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
