i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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