An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
