Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
