So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
