i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
