why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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