Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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