Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
