Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
