wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize