he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
