He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
