I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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