felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
