so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
