You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
