I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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