I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
