Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
