i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
