There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
