How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize