Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
