are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
