hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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