Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
