But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
